I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
