When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
