So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
