And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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