She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
