Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
