Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
