update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
