there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
