My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
