Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
