And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
