I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
she told me i tasted like america
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
