"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
