based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
