im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
