You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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