Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
