If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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