Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
either way he was missing a nipple.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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