And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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