My sheets look like a crime scene.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
