I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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