Tell her she can't have a vagina
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
