How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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