Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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