Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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