We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
