So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
