im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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