Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
