can we get nightvision for the apartment?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
