Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
