Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
