I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
