i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
