we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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