I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
