Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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