I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
