I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
