u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
