In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
