his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Enjoy the penises
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
