Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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