I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
