and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
