i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
