Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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