Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
