The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
