Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
